Looking for a counsellor in Singapore?

Looking of a suitable counsellor that will fit your needs can take some time; and based on my experience in the field, i will share a little of the options and considerations you may find useful. I will only discuss options that are available to most people.

Home visits/ Out of office sessions

Many counsellors or centres may not provide home visits depending on their philosophy towards this issue. As i subscribe to a post-modern philosophy, i believe that there are many ways that home visits can be very helpful. a) when you would like to attend counselling with a family member who feels more comfortable having the counsellor meet them at the home, b) when people have anxiety or difficulty in leaving their home or familiar places. Or you may want to involve someone who is not so mobile or has a disability. c) The counselling room can feel very unnatural to many, and there are some therapists which swear on having their therapeutic moments while gardening together, during waiting or travelling times, or sharing a meal at the hawker centre or coffee shop. d) there are times when due to safety or discretion, you may want to have a session during an extended lunch break.

Time

Depending on the Family Service Centre that serves your estate, it may be difficult to schedule an appointment with the social service professionals, and most centres only open several evenings a week. However, for most centres, counsellors are rostered to work on Saturdays. It may be easier to arrange for an appointment with counselling centres on the other hand, but popular ones may have a waiting list, and the first appointment may take longer than you hope.

Working with other "systems" 

Although most therapists think systemically, i.e. Understand that people lives are intrinsically linked to their families, school/ workplace/ communities and other institutions, some therapists may not be comfortable in working with different parties, but as a social worker, this is a role that I have performed on many occasions. We can collaborate about ways to work with those whom you would like to involve in your goals. Do you need to work closely with the school or hospital to discuss plans for your or others' needs? Do you want to join a club or engage your relatives of friends?

Culture, race and class conscious

I have many years of experience working in a diverse environment. I listen carefully to each person's background in relation to their struggles, skills, values and hopes. I understand that people often experience discomfort in their sessions while trying to find a good fit in terms of Counselling. If you would like to speak to someone of a similar cultural background as you who has worked with me previously about their experience or check with them something, feel free to let me know! Your assurance is my priority.

Not affiliated to religious institutions

This can feel very liberating to many people seeking counselling. If spirituality or religion is important to you, this could be brought up during our sessions together. 

Mental Conditions

Over the years I have worked closely with many people experiencing mental conditions that affects their lives and those around them. They may feel great distress. Many of them may receive formal support with hospitals but many do not. Let's evaluate together ways of dealing with life, and figure out ways to be your "preferred self" in line with your values and hopes. 

Disabilities

I have collaborated with many people who have disabilities to pursue their hopes for themselves. We can work together holistically and systemically to do with your loved ones or yourself. Home visits addresses accessibility issues.

Unhand us, Self-Dislike!

Every time i look at memes or articles about self love, I am reminded how difficult it is especially when I see many women struggle with blame and guilt. They search for redemption, a way to forgive themselves of the expectations they have been recruited into. Yet I know it's not easy for them to do that with all the messages around them that sets them out to exposure to Self doubt, Self dislike, and measure themselves in ways that tell them they are not good enough and not done enough.

But sometimes we are able to be kind to ourselves. Whether it's the chocolate or beer we've treated ourselves, the clothes/accessory we just had to have, the 10 mins nap and lateness, or the times we ignore Guilt's nagging to enjoy the camaraderie of another person. It's the day we wore or did not wear makeup for a change. But when even that is difficult, as self love is in a world that profits from our guilt, we can still build a culture of rejecting self hatred with the women around us.

Some of my ideas:

1. We acknowledge to a woman who feels bad that it's normal to feel that way.
2. We share what we appreciate about their friendship to us.
3. We ask what we can do for the moment at least to keep self hatred at bay.
4. We can talk about the hopes we have if and when self hatred is at bay.

How do you keep Self dislike and Guilt at bay for your friend or yourself despite the nagging messages whispering in your ear? What tips you have learnt in this journey of life has been useful for you?

"

Dear friend-who-is-struggling,

I'm sorry that you feel that way, and I'm sorry that society has recruited you to making you Guilt trip and ruminate at what you could have done better, what you could have changed, what you can do now.

Please remember that we are with you, whether cheerleaders or supporters or team members, we work together to achieve these hopes we have for our community. We see you. We recognize your value and worth and we want to see you succeed in your ways and experience Love and Safety and Fulfillment, in your own terms.

Warmly with lots of love, Liz

"

Accessing a treasure trove of stories using St Luke's cards

Sometimes words evade us and we find ourselves lost for words, or need another perspective, illustrations can be very helpful. Those who consult with me and i love it, and subsequently my supervises find it very helpful using it in her sessions. Below is a little write up Caitlyn from St Luke's Innovative Resources did many years ago of my lovely experience with Diyana*, where i used the Angels cards. I am still so proud of Diyana and Sarimah* and the certificate i presented to her was to celebrate those steps, initiatives and commitments that they both had. I have attached the rest of the SOON newsletter for you to find out a little more about how cards can be used!

A therapeutic relationship upholds concern + emotional safety

Dear you-who-is-seeking-counselling,

I wrote this in response to my annoyance while reflecting on the harmful impact of careless and judgmental words by influential people who hold power. But this reflection made me see how the therapy and casework i offer is different from many others in Singapore.

As a social worker for many years, many times, i feel uncomfortable in making certain referrals and recommendations for counselling, or unable to find a suitable local counsellor for them. Many people share their challenges in finding somebody that they feel are supportive to their concerns, or their deliberate efforts to find a counsellor who acknowledges and takes into account their race/gender identity/religious beliefs, history or circumstances. Judgement and blame have no room in the therapeutic relationship and many people would rather go to a secular agency than a religious one. Unfortunately, many organisations stray from the code of ethics and impose societal norms and policies. And instead of identifying the effects of judgment or blame in people’s lives, they replicate these oppressive ways of treating people on the people who consult with them.

A therapeutic relationship upholds concern and safety* for the person who consults a therapist. *This safety does not mean physical safety, but more of an emotional safety and freedom to share all thoughts.

I will list some examples, not to shame, but identify how we as a society or individuals can be accountable for the words and actions for the safety of others.

1. Abortion counselling provided by catholic organisations may focus on persuading women who may not have the social support and means to keep the child.
2. Some organisations only provide services for adoption to a heterosexual married couple, stating that its selfish and unfair to children when single people have children. 
3. A counsellor pointing out to a teen that when they were young, they never cut themselves although they were bullied.
4. Counsellors dismissing that a person of colour’s experience that they were rejected for a job based on race.
5. An experienced counsellor in a religious organisation talking to a person contemplating suicide on the cons of suicide and the impacts of this on their family and their soul.
6. An experienced social worker insisting on a person talking about their past traumas when they have made it clear that it is deeply re-traumatising for them.
7. Mother blaming.
8. Social workers saying that if mothers cared for their children they would leave their partners.
9. Workers saying that non-chinese should integrate with other races.
10. Common saying that “ you should just learn to cope with it” or “its much better these days”
11. A crisis shelter implementing compulsory visits to a place of religious prayer.

I was having a meal while my friends wanted to discuss about anti-gay statements by an influential person in the community. My friends said that LGBT/allies should not judge this particular person’s family because it was over and forgiveness was given, and his current anti-gay statements was not against the people but towards the behaviour. Unfortunately, whatever the intentions were, the influence and power these statements have is powerful compared to the paltry judgements these LGBT/allies have against him. His accommodation, career, esteem, identity, community, livelihood, relationships and needs are not affected by their statements as the reverse on LGBT people.

Kids are teased and isolated for being femme, parents refrain from buying dolls for boys, and close friendships between boys are few and far between. Although the uncloseted LGBT people are just being their gendered/sexual identity, they have made space and continue to fight for spaces for the rest of us, to challenge gender roles, to be gender or sexual fluid, to normalise diverse kinds of relationships for all of us.

So, i know its hard to find a counsellor who understands the oppression or socio-political situation you are in. And i welcome you to contact me. I understand the challenges in holding religious beliefs and other values, principlesand hopes you have for you life. I also get that you live in a white washed society. I also know that some people are drawn to and benefit from counsellors which hold strongly to those religious stances and top down guidance in which there are many organisations you could approach.

I will end this by sharing this lovely post by Pang.